Monday, 15 March 2010

my red furry cocoon

its not like i mean to be lazy. its just i love my dressing gown!

its big,
its fluffy,
its cozy,
its comfy,
its snuggly,
its warm,
its oooh and its most definitely arrrgh!

knowing full well its a beautiful day outside and in all probability an effort should be made to leave the confines of the proverbial 'four walls' and get out into the world. i am still sitting here in my dressing gown. i have absolutely no intention of getting dressed today!

i could make excuses like i am waiting for the postman for a long awaited delivery, which in all fairness to myself is true, but could i not dress while i wait? hmmm, the answer is, no. actually.

i like to potter around the house in my big red furry cocoon.

i want to lounge around on the sofa waiting for jeremy kyle to start while watching my beautiful girl wobble as she learns to sit unaided.

i enjoy not opening the curtains and pretending that my house is a special private world that only my daughter and i inhabit.

i love our time, our special uninterrupted 'us' time.

i may decide to leave the house tomorrow and plunge myself into the never ending bustle of the outside world. but for now. for today. i am curling up with a constant supply of tea and biscuits and contemplating the amazing and wonderful life i have.

how lucky i am to be . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . just me.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

brain over body?

can you want something so much that you actually convince yourself something is there when it isn't? is there a time when your logical brain gives in to your emotional brain and allows your fantasy's to become reality? but only in your own head!

i stopped taking my pill 6 weeks ago as russ and i decided that we wanted another baby. imogen is only 7 months old but we always said we would have two children and would like them close together. it started off as an 'if it happens it happens' kind of thing. but in my usual impatient, cant wait, must be now manner. i have begun to really really, really really want to get pregnant!

so, we have been enjoying ourselves in the bedroom (ooh la la). though im sure you don't want the dirty details so this is going to be a short paragraph. lets just say its been fun.

anyway. i am 7 days late for my period, i am emotional and moody, i feel bloated, i am a little 'stickier' downstairs and i can not get enough bacon down my neck to satisfy! apologies if there are any boys reading this but i couldn't think of a better word than stickier. hmmmmm, maybe i should invest in a thesaurus? hopefully the mention of bacon has made you feel better? if not, oh well. errr, where was i? oh yes . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . just one thing.

all the tests im taking are negative, is it too early? even for the really sensitive ones? is it my mind playing tricks on me? is this just a fantasy? is it all in my head? is it my body playing with me?

there is only one thing i can be sure of. if im not yet pregnant i had better get there soon as russ wont take the mood swings much longer! bless him.