these tired eyes

can these tired eyes keep on searching,
is what i want really there?
can this tired heart keep on beating,
does this man any longer really care?
is it possible to say how im hurting,
can i leave, should i go, do i dare?

take a look at my eyes, can you see?
take a look at my face, did you notice?
look in the mirror, can you tell?
the face looking back, is it me?
the rain that falls does it sting?
the sun that shines does it burn?
when a star stops shining, is it just a black hole?
when a heart stops beating, is it over?

can these tired eyes keep on searching,
is what i want really there?
can this tired heart keep on beating,
does this man any longer really care?
is it possible to say how im hurting,
can i leave, should i go, do i dare?

does he look in my eyes, can he see?
has he seen my face, does he notice?
when he looks in the mirror, can he tell?
the face looking back, does he know?
has he realised the raindrops are my tears?
that the sun is blinding my thoughts?
the star he once knew, is it nothing but black?
my heart once his, has it stopped?

can these tired eyes keep on searching,
is what i want really there?
can this tired heart keep on beating,
does this man any longer really care?
is it possible to say how im hurting,
can i leave, should i go, do i dare?

is sexy an attitude?

this post is inspired by a fellow blogger who is "bringing 'sexy' back." now im not jealous, (well maybe just a little) but after feeling a little low during the first year of motherhood she is now feeling better - good - sexy!

im so pleased for her, but . . . .

i used to turn heads, not necessarily because of my looks but my attitude
i used to feel sexy, funny and free
i used to feel good, comfortable in my own skin and enjoy my own body
i used to strut and oooze confidence
i used to watch russ watching me, pride and lust in his eyes

now i feel like ive lost my identity and my confidence. ive lost my spark, that glint in my eye and definitely, oh definitely lost my sexuality!

i am now 'mothership' an asexual robot required to clean house, look after baby and cook dinner! russ would rather watch the tele than me and the only beeps i get now is when im not concentrating and walk into an on coming car. only waking to the sound of 'oye fatty watch where your going!'

i have two weddings and a school reunion coming up and although im excited about all three, im also dreading it! i can see the photographs now. the sulky one in the corner with the ill fitting dress, yep thats me!

do you have to feel sexy to look sexy? is a sexy attitude all you really need? maybe nobody watches me because i cant be seen, sinking into the background. hmmmmmmm

where did i go?

what has happened to me?

i love being a mum but is that all i am?

is it possible to be me and a mum?

is sexy just attitude?