Monday, 7 December 2009
error! error! error!
today i am broken, malfunctioning, faulty. error! error! error! i have found myself feeling less and less like a woman and more and more like a house robot. my objective is to keep house and take care of baby. cook, clean, baby, cook, clean, baby, cook, clean, baby, cook, clean, baby,cook, clean, baby, cook, clean, baby!
i have tried to gain other interests, to stop moaning and do something about my miserable existence but after spending all day with a demanding baby i find im too tired to do anything more than flop onto the sofa and vegetate. please don't get me wrong i made the right decision when i decided to be a stay at home mum. i think i am extremely lucky to have had the choice and for the most part enjoy my days pottering around watching my beautiful girl grow and develop, learning something new every day. but, and there is always a but, i find myself wondering surely there must be more to life? imogen is at the stage now where she is awake for most of the day but she is still too young to do any real activities. i spend my days grinning stupidly, talking nonsense, rattling various toys and trying to think of new ways to entertain. on the few occasions she does sleep i attempt to tidy up, have a cup of tea, put on some washing, maybe have a nap and write my next post. hence the tiding up usually gets pushed aside as does the cup of tea and i fall asleep on the sofa thinking of what to write next.
the idea of my blog was to create a narrative escape, a comical overview of my life to share with others. unfortunately i cannot find anything to smile about these last couple of weeks, i feel fat, ugly, incapable and abandoned! is there anyone who can put the smiling heart back into this robot? do robots have hearts, thoughts, ideas and dreams? or do i just wander aimlessly through the days with a fixed expression that screams vacant!