Monday, 14 December 2009
puke and paranoia
"do you have a clue what you are doing mum?" that is the accusing look in my childs eyes. she has just thrown up all over the floor somehow managing to produce far more fruit yogurt than she had actually eaten! she gasps for air gives out a little whimper and as i rush around changing her and wiping the floor, (which by the way was long over due anyway) she eyes me with that look! is it disappointment or am i just paranoid?
its normal for babies to have the odd sicky moment i know, but when i have been the cause of it i find myself questioning my abilities and it rocks me to the core! what have i done? how on earth did i possibly assume i could actually be a responsible adult and look after something so precious? am i just kidding myself thinking i could be a good mother? what have i let this poor child in for? these moments of paranoid questioning do not happen very often but when they do, i, as always go completely overboard! i worry myself stupid and spend the day feeling quite sick and i can assure you i reach severe drama queen status! how or why this happens im not too sure. before i had imogen i was a stress free, laid back, what will be will be kind of girl. though maybe ive just answered my own question - that was before i had her!
so what was the cause of this latest crisis? well as i mentioned it was a fruit yogurt. i had just finished giving imogen her lunch and was laughing at her as she gummed down her lunch with such gusto she looked the spitting image of her father. once she had finished i sat her down and went to wash up the little cup thingy yogurts come in. im a super recycler, everything gets washed and put in the recycling. i say anyone who does not bother with their blue bin is just lazy! i mean seriously, how much effort does it really take? anyway im going off on a tangent there, that could be a whole other post. where was i, yep thats it. i have walked off to wash the container and imogen has grabbed her spoon from my hand. arrgh i think she still hungry, oh well she can chew on the spoon.
BIG mistake! from the kitchen i hear these faint sounds, thats not gurgling! that gagging! i run into the living room and there she is stuffing the spoon so far down her throat that she is about to vomit! i grab the spoon and have just enough time to point her away from my rug and towards the laminate floor (easier to wipe clean). then it comes, fruit yogurt all over the floor! and as i mentioned above, somehow there was at least twice the amount coming out as there was went in! yes very clever imogen! as i change the baby and clean the floor i think to myself, why did i leave her with that spoon?! surely i should have known that it was not only a bad idea but a dangerous one too! i fully appreciate that i will not be able to wrap her in cotton wool and protect her from every pitfall in life. though when the danger seems to come from me, what chance has she got? i think im hitting drama queen status again and my baby girl is absolutely fine, but, well . . . there are just so many buts!!
so there it is, the story of my babys puke and my paranoia, will i ever learn? or do i just have to resign myself to the fact that being a parent is a continual learning curve and there will be plenty more crisis to come. oh wonderful! isnt that the best bit? knowing there are more mistakes to come? oooooh the anticipation!