Thursday, 3 December 2009
so we are now on the ward, imogen has breastfed brilliantly and is now sleeping next to me. russ has been sent home to get some sleep and i am supposed to be doing the same. yeah right! my body is knackered but my mind is still travelling at a million miles an hour! is it still the drugs or is it just complete bewilderment, shock, amazement and unspeakable joy over what i have just done?
it is now 10 in the morning and the wards are busy with new mums, excited fathers and lots of kids, oh so many children! now i appreciate the fact i have just had one but that's exactly why i didn't want to be listening to the inane jibber jabber of other peoples offspring! please oh please just let me sleep! i want to go home! to the quiet! to my own place of comfort and safety! this was sadly not to be, at least not until 7 that evening. in her rush to enter the world imogen had pooed on her way out so i had to be checked for infection and the midwives wanted to ensure she had not inhaled any. so i just lie there staring at the clock painfully watching the minutes drag by so slowly.
by half six russ was back, i was dressed and imogen was looking so tiny in her car seat. we were ready to go! come on, sign me out, i want to go! please! just let me leave! . . . yey! we in the car and we going home! on entering the house it suddenly struck me like a boxer punch to the chest! oh my god! the awsome responsibility we had just taken on! oooooh this is serious! ok now breathe, have cup of tea and attempt to stop the ever so proud dad cuddling his daughter so hard he was in danger of squashing her! bless.
its night time and imogen wont feed? she was so good in the hospital? she also will not be put down! the screaming starts and goes on and on and on and on and on and on! whats the matter? what do you want? oh, what have we done? now its my turn, im crying to myself, shushing at imogen and appealing to russ I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO??!! did we bring the wrong baby home? its the first night and im failing already! we cant do this! adoption is the only option! i am seriously freaking out here!
eight hours later and russ comments on the use of a hat. but we were told not to put a hat on her inside, i shout. what about her over heating? needless to say we put on a hat and cuddled her up in an extra blanket. in seconds she was asleep! was that it? she was just cold? am i that inept that i couldn't see my child was cold?
commence the crying again, this is too hard! calming down i realise that im not going to be super mum immediately (if ever) and this was going to be a serious learning curve! absolutely pushed to the limit russ and i flop on the bed and sleep arrives quickly. i was warned of the three day baby blues. hah! mine all arrived in one go on the first night! wow! what a ride! . . . . . . . .